listen when my heart start to speaks

2009-08-27T21:57:00.004+08:00

Its 27th August, me and EL, went to watch the premier of FINAL DESTINATION 4.
Woah, 2nd movie premier in a week ehs! cool or what! and both is with EL, but yea, the catch here is that, its freaking 3D! , its my first time watching it! it was awesome.. haha.. i think its EL first time too. I enjoy watching movie with her, wanted to take pics of her and me using that weirdo specs but its too dark.. :( .. boohoo.. i swear, if u were to look at EL face during the cinema, u’ll laugh.. but very cute though! especially when she’s like covering her mouth and with the weird spec.. * imagining* .. LOL! .. well, after the movie, we went to Snooker Zone and Toa Pah Yoh, we played pool, teach her some technique, and god she is getting better, and EL sugar, im sorry if u think im kinda harsh on you or what, it is not that way aite..sorry.. and yea, dont be too stress up with pool yea.. :) its always hard in the first few times,im sure when u always play, u’ll be fine.. well, after that we went to yishun, we share with other kinda lots of stuff, .. she showed me pics of her make over,her baby pics ( damn super cute ) , and also her secondary days pics..( which i realise that she only grow older to look more beautiful ) .. i shared mine as well.. it was a good sharing moment. well, after that i surprise her with the gift i wanna her to keep as a token of appreciation and also if she were to miss me,or need motivation, look at that, and think im there aite.. :) .. and one more thing, she was sweet as she record a bid farewell video for me.. i was kinda surprised with that but yea, EL ure the sweetest.. and yea EL, there are 3 coincidence when we go out, 1st on the train,where we actually were thinkin of showing the pics, 2nd, during the pool,familiar songs that reminds me of u plays but on the train its my song that reminds you of me plays and lastly that flying kiss..tsk tsk tsk.. :) ..

3 more days to santa monica..
i dont know if i should be happy :) or sad :( ..

Should I smile cause were friends, or should I cry cause that’s all well ever gonna be.

2009-08-24T21:04:00.001+08:00

Cadd9 G AM C
I wonder if you and your heart are ready to fall in love with me
And if you asked me to wait to say the same, then I can do with that.
And Ill be here for you when youre ready just to let you know.
But you have my heart already n I cant let you go

Am C G D
Clearly we have somethin special here
And I wont stop following my heart
Cause it got me this far and I love who you are

C G Am D
I cant stop thinkin bout ya
dont wanna be without ya
Youre what I look forward to
Each and every day
Every moment with you makes me feel so brand new
I just cant stop thinkin bout ya
I wanna let (strum pause) you know I love youuu

I just cant keep this to myself, I need let it out!
girl you do something to me that makes me sing out loud
You seem like mr perfect - I needa tell you how I feel
And I dont know what you will say, but it feels so real.

Am C G D
Clearly we have somethin special here
And I wont stop following my heart
Cause it got me this far and I love who you are

C G Am D
I cant stop thinkin bout ya
dont wanna be without ya
Youre what I look forward to
Each and every day
Every moment with you makes me feel so brand new
I just cant stop thinkin bout ya
I wanna let (strum pause) you know I love youuu

BRIDGE
Em G D
And I met you just in time
No matter where I am youll be mine X2

C G Am D
I cant stop thinkin bout ya
dont wanna be without ya
Youre what I look forward to
Each and every day
Every moment with you makes me feel so brand new
I just cant stop thinkin bout ya
I wanna let (strum pause) you know I love youuu
X2

wrong person..

2009-08-07T00:07:00.001+08:00

if i were to fall for someone..
why is it always gonna be the wrong person..
why they had to love others?
why they had to be in rship?
why i didnt get the opportunity to meet her first?

and i guess, sometimes in life you dont get the best..
so i guess, i have to learn to be contented..
and ever if i were to find someone like her..
looks and others characteristic matches similarly..
guess i just have to take her has a substitute..
i rather fake my happiness,
then to live on and die a broken hearted man..
i'll live in my own world
pretending the substitute to be her..

theres no meaning of happiness..
theres no meaning of how beautiful life would be..
theres no meaning of hope..
theres no meaning of faith..

when you're not here with me..
cus i know i cant make you mine..
i can only wish you were mine..
but wishes dont come true..

1095 days.. 3 years..

2009-07-31T14:20:00.004+08:00

comes 30/7/09 at 2255 hours, it will be exactly 1095 days or 3 years..
that was the last email i got from her..
well,my prayers are with her..
may she live happily ever after..

so here's a song i wrote for you..mayb will be my last ever..
it has the same tune as hey there delilah..

verse1:
hey there arina what its like in bukit gombak,
we're just few miles away,but gerl it feels so far away..so far away..
esplanade cant shine as bright as you,
i swear its true..

verse:2
hey there arina, if u know what my heart is feelin,
every lonely nites u'd hear my heart screaming ur name n cryin..
close ur eyes,listen to my voice,its agony
i need u wit me..

chorus:
ohh will u forgive me...
ohh will u come back to me..
ohh will u forgive me..
ohh will u come back to me..
just come back to me..

verse3:
hey there arina without you in my life its hard,
how i wish we'll be together and never be apart..
our dreams come true,the life that we plan do come true..m
y world turn blue..

verse4:
hey there arina,all these years i wanna say,
that my deepest regrets is that i shudnt let you go,
and make u stay..i wanna be wit u again...
wit u again..

have i love

2009-07-28T23:07:00.001+08:00

I'm not too broken to love..
I guess you can say that I wish for love..
In the dark depths of the night I dream of fantasies,

I'm stuck wondering..
When and how and why...
Where will it take place and how old,
Will I be when im rescued from this place?

Or is it too much to ask?
I know I'm nothing to you, I'm nothing to myself.
I guess I don't deserve happiness..
All I can do is ask..

Have I loved before?
Truth is i don't know.
Because... I can't remember.
This is my mask..

Can it be that someone else feels this way too?
Is anybody out there just searching for love?
Searching for the right person to come?
And what do you do when it does, anyway?
It's hard to say..
You have really two choices:
To run away, to fake your way though,
or...
To put yourself in harm's way,
And hope to your Gods you won't get hurt..

And what if you're wrong? like I was.
What if that person says no?
But then a while later, says they regret it?
What do you do then?

It's okay, I confuse myself, but this time...
I mean it.... and it hurts to have no one,
Seem to understand. Why is it like this?
And then I remember..

Have I loved before? I don't know ...
I can't remember.

waiting for you

2009-07-24T14:03:00.004+08:00

If only you could see into my heart
And through my very wrecked soul,
You'd find a world of emptiness
Of pain beyond my control,
My heart never felt this way before,
In the name of god i swear its true,
My soul convincingly tells me that
this anguish only you can mend
that you will be the one that pacify my fear,
My unknown love, my hope, my wish,Please, won't you dry my tears?
I love you, though we've never met
I'm not sure when we will,
An expectation gone unfulfilled
makes me feel that i'm dying from this ill,
which may never find the cure to be heal,
I dream of you both night and day,
I long to see your face,
For where your features ought to be,
A question mark's in its place,
Thoughts of you can bring me joy,
But equally great pain,
While a thought may pass by swiftly,
The loneliness still remains,
Sometimes i wonder,what if i dont deserve the right to be happy?
maybe i just dont..
what if i was just born to make others happy?
but not for myself..
Like other normal beings,I want a partner to stand by me
As both our lives we share,I want to know that I am loved,
I need to feel secure,
I'll share your joys and triumphs,
Rejoice when you are glad,
And I want to be the shoulder
That you lean on when you're sad,
I want to know you through and through,
I want you to know me,
Ever-tightening our bond,
That gains strength through loyalty,
I've waited patiently so long,
And though we're worlds apart,
Step out my dreams into my arms,
Relieve my aching heart,
I live my life half-aimlesslyI'm waiting still, for you..
Please, come and end my misery
And make my dreams come true..

nutink much..

2009-07-21T03:27:00.005+08:00

I guess its only left 3 weeks to school then i'm having 1 or 2 weeks of break before going to LA,santa monica for 3 month attachment with Side Effects Company..
Well, assignments are pilling up, yea, that sucks but well, it's always like that since the the term is ending..
so must burn oil! haha..
I hope i got to spend time with all my best brothers bungkos, rudieman, prakash , firdaus and khairon ..
not forgeting joan, aisha elyana ,syadariena, dewi jelina ayu, nanad, elfarahlee, zie and qylla too .. hope i get to meet up with you people before i leave for the 3 months.. so gonna miss you guys..

well, just watched the race to the witch mountains and the obsessed..
both are pretty good actually! well,theres this one actress that caught my attention!
haha..

she is AnnaSophia Robb
aww..she is lovely..
how i wish i have a girlfriend like her! haha..

reminising

2009-07-11T16:02:00.004+08:00

Reminiscing is full of nostalgia..
It was a cold dark night when i couldnt sleep
when the memories of the past haunt me..

I have actually endured more than i should have..
Looking at happy couples happily in love make me realise
something that i have been missing for more than 4 years..

That night, when i was so out and things arent good for me
she came into my dream to comfort me..
For that instance,i feel something to live for and fight for..

Then i realised that all this while i've been missing someone..
Really missing someone..
Only god would have understand the way i miss her..

But she is gone from my life and i've accept the fact
that she is not coming back..
I've long known that..

I will never get to kiss her again..
Feel that perfect moment when she stared into my eyes
and gave me that killer smile that always made me
feel as though something inside me was melting..

Sadly, i definitely won't be able to see that again..
There are ten thousand things that i wish to do
but we are never going to do together again..

"you're a nice guy,i'm sure girls out there would be lucky to have you,
you really know how to treat a girl well with your unconditional love and undivided attention"
"And i'm sure wan,you'll meet someone else who is much better than me,better looking than me and someone whom will love you more that i do,cause a guy like you really deserved that"
That are the exact words that she said to me and it keeps on playing on my ears that cold night..

But i dont believe a word of it..

I think that you can use up your love.. I think you can blow it all on one person..
You can love so much, so deeply, that there is nothing left for anyone else..
You could give it all the time in the world, and i would never find someone to
fill the gap that she has left.

Because how do you find a substitute for the love of your life?

Perhaps i could learnt to live with it..

torn

2009-07-05T14:07:00.005+08:00

If u were to fall for someone's girlfriend,what would you do? is it wrong? if ur inner guts & heart keeps telling u that she's the the ideal & perfect one for u.. do we have a choice not to fall for the person?when you cant stop or control what our heart feels right about it.. it just happen.. A wise man told me before,all the good girls are taken..it is damn true..it was silly as i use to not to believe it but i guess its the fact somehow..i have always been convincing myself that there are still many fishes in the sea but how many rare ones can u catch? maybe u wont get the point here but its okay..

Okay now, if u love that someone?would u fight for it? isnt love selfish? if u're not selfish then its not love? i'm torn between it.. if we were to be selfish & fight for it ,thers always the other side of you which will tell you that to wait as it is rude and wrong to intervene and intrude others rship.
But then must we still lie & pretend to be happy? Happy that the one you want and thought was the perfect for u is with someone else? do we still pray & wish for her everynight before we close our eyes?or should we still wait for the uncertainty & have that little faith and belief that fate will bring us together?or must we convinced ourself yet again that this is just an beginning obstacle of the long journey of true love?

my bdayyyyy..

2009-06-26T22:40:00.002+08:00

well,my birthday is coming soon, but as those who knows me well, i cant even be bothered..
cus, it has always been a so called cursed date for me.. & i dont know why.. thats why i dont care.. i dont have a wishlist or whatever cus it will not come true.. it will only leave me more heartbroken as the thing u hoping would not come true.. all i ever wanted was one.. happiness.. and to think that is the most difficult thing to have..i'm left speechless..

i thought that this year it,that so called date would be something much better but i really doubt so, someone had book me out for my bday,but i guess u noe sumtimes plan doesnt work all the time yea..no one fault,no one to be blame..its destined to be that way, this date is a cursed to me,n so i'll accept it.. so yea, people dont bother to even wish me happy birthday yea..cus i dont care..thanks..

Okay,so much for the shit, well,im thinking of joinin pool competition..
but im not that good le..should i try or not?well,suddenly i feel scared.. in less than 2 months i will be leaving for LA for 3 months..haisss.. will anyone miss me? or shud anyone even care..? haiz.

Gentarasa finale show

2009-06-14T22:22:00.002+08:00

Finally,Gentarasa 2009, bapak borek anak cerdik has gone and ended.
Well,in summary i have enjoy all the times spend with the cast,directors,choreographer,veteran actors,dancers and all that have involved.. u guys will have a special place in my heart.
Thanks for those that make it possible for me and i couldnt have done it with the people who always give me advices n motivation along the way.The show was a blastful n success in my opinion.
I've met wonderful friends..really wonderful and unique..u guys will be missed but all the memories will always stay near and dear in my heart..
and to that someone among the cast,i dunnoe if u noe but well,u will be greatly missed,
i'll missed ur wonderful facial expression and the movements of ur ever flexible body when u are dancing,the bright smile on ur face,ur ever flawless acting..all i can say is,im lucky to have met someone like you..
Overall i did enjoy every moment of it..Special thanks to the directors, Zaharian Osman, Mazlina Buang and Suhaimi Yussoff.
Thank you.

tsk tsk tsk..

2009-06-08T03:51:00.002+08:00

to whom it may concern..

If dreams were given to a lonely man
and a lonely man's dreams came true,
I'd force myself to sleep all the time
just so I could dream of you

If wishes were given to a lonely man
and I was given just two,
I'd wish for you to always love me
and the other I'd give to you

If my tears could write a love song
I'd write a love song for you,
It would explain just how I feel inside
and how much I love you too

But, dreams are only dreams
and wishes seldom come true,
My tears can't write a love song,
but when they fall, they fall for you

emo..

2009-06-01T00:07:00.003+08:00

My life is empty,
My life is useless,
What's so special about that?
My life is full of lies,
My life is full of hatred,
My life is in denial,
But does it matter?
I tried not to cry,
I tried to hide,
I tried to put on a fake smile,
But in the end..
I know it's useless..
My life is like a broken melody,
No one cares,
They all hate me,
So what should I do?
What way do I turn?

let me love you

2009-05-29T22:42:00.002+08:00

Oh, what can I do to let you know my heart is for real,
Sitting at the beach only the stars could tell you,
Let me love you for no reason, for no return,
Swinging with the waves of ocean, who am I speaking to..

Oh, what can I do to let you know how much I feel for you,
Wishing to the clouds let me see the moon,
Let me love you for no reason, for no return,
Shivering in the wind, oh, where are you..

Let me love you, oh, let me love you,
Not for my loneliness but for you,
Let me love you, oh, let me love you,
I whispering in my heart, oh god, let me love you..

clear the air..

2009-05-27T01:58:00.002+08:00

well,its been a quite sometime since i last blog..
actuali got alot of things happen..
but i lazy to blog!! wahaha!
well,on last sat n sun,there were no
gentarasa trainin..so i spend the weekends with
my close friends..
it was worth while..
bungkos nyanyi tkde sengau lagi pe!!
on sunday play soccer but kinda
dissapointing cause we lost again..
haizz..
but the key thing is tat..
im the pool 9 ball champion!
we play a league tournament series..
5 people were involved..
one of em is my shifu..
so it is tough!
so at the end of the round..
i won 4 n lost one..
so i am the champion..
the strange thing is tat.. i defeated my shifu..
lost to his son-in law..
so my shifu and the others wants revenge..
so we play a tournament,while im waitin who is the
winner to take my title..
so after the two matches have played..
my shifu met his son-in-law in the semi finals..
whoever win has the right to fite against me..
so his son-in-law won..
so the pressure is on me..
cus i lost to him in the first league tournament..
but then,guess what! i won! so i successfully
defend my title..so now,anyone up for a pool challenge?
if its a girl,if u lose..i'll date u? n for guys..
if u lose,u pay for the pool? so anyone??

well,now im goin clear the air..
alot of girls,have been askin hows me n joan n etc..
about how things is goin for us n etc..
the things is that..she is just a friend to me..
there is nothing goin on abt us..
so if u girls read this,pls understand this fact..
n stop asking please.. thank you.. :)

im single n available as always.. :P ..
who wants to be my lucky gerl?? haha..

grgr

2009-05-20T23:49:00.003+08:00

I've been thinkin lately..
thinking so hard that it could be deadly..

i dont know if its worth it..
to keep the hopes alive..
or to killed & burried it..

but i guessed,i've made up my mind..
i've convinced myself that your're never gonna be mine..
so i've promised myself to move on..
because d feelings that i have will soon be gone..

so yea, mayb now i should really date girls that like
or have feelings for me rather than vice versa..
so yea... :P

Your heart may shatter,
But it will heal,
You have to take your time,
Putting it back together,
Yet if you rush through,
Try to hurry to forget the pain
You might miss the most important pieces,
The ones that will allow you to
Love, trust and smile again..

questions??

2009-05-15T03:35:00.005+08:00

If u ever wonder why I don't talk to you anymore,
please believe me when I say it's not that I don't want to,
it's just that everything I want to say I can't tell you anymore..

Only questions are left to be answered..

If I was perfect would you love me?
If I was good looking would you want me?
If I reach for your hand, will you hold it?
If I hold out my arms, will you hug me?
If I go for your lips, will you kiss me?
If I capture your heart, will you love me?
If I loved you would you leave me?

Reasons that are hanging in the air..

Frustrated because I can't tell if it's real..
Mad because I don't know how you feel..
Upset because we can't make it right. .
Sad because I need you day and night..
Angry because you won't take my hand..
Aggravated because you don't understand..
Disappointed because we can't be together..
but still I'll love you forever..

Don't apologize for your feelings, it's like apologizing for the truth..
I never regretted telling you I liked you..
I only regretted never hearing what you really thought of me..

jmap bday

2009-05-11T22:15:00.005+08:00

Joan Advanced bday celebration..

well,it was 9th may when i met her..
she didnt know that i was kinda planning a surprise..
well,hope u like it..
it was so last minute..
i cant think of anithink..
so bought her a mini cake..
gave her a mini card..

well,now it is 11th may..
so u r official 20 years old..
well, happy birthday ..
may all your wishes come true..
god bless you..

here are some of the pics taken during
the 9th..
do mind my ugly irritating face yea..

my lucky charm..

2009-04-30T21:50:00.003+08:00

My Lucky Charm..

What i am gonna blog sounds so unbelievable..
but hell yeah its true..
omg..
i still cant believe it..

Well,i dont know why this few days..
i'm not myself and all..
seem to lose all the mood in the world..
and i hated it.. HATED it!

But yea, joan text me at 10.50pm..
then i text her back..
she then ask if im okay or not?
i was like.. ermm,how come she can sense eh??
then i reply her with this classic sentence..
"Don't worry..im fine..im ok.."
haha..you know i know yea? *winks..

Well then she call me at 1.53am..
JENG JENG JENG!
here comes all the best part..

LISTEN..
"listen to the song here in my heart..
a melody i start i can't complete..lalalala .. "
Okay! shut up sanwan! hehe..
ok ok..i'll continue to tell..

well,when joan called me,
as you guys know,when people
call me they would listen a song..
the song is Mad by neyo..

then coincidencely,
while she was singin waitin for me
to pick up the phone..
the radio also play the song!
and when i pick up,
she said " OMG!"
then i was like..
whats with her sehh?
can you atleast say halo ferst? :P ..
haha..

well,it does not stop there..
more to come..
well,we were talkin at all,
then im the back of my mind is
if i were to request a song,
it would be Insomniac by craig david!
then omg,the radio suddenly played the song
scary cann?then joan also said that,
it would also be the song she would have
requested sehh! cool uh!

Well,another one to go..
this is so freaky!..
then joan ask me to try call 98.7fm la..
she said " you call la,i'm your lucky charm,u'll definately
get thru one la.."
then i also try lor for her..
first attempt was engaged..
then the second, it RANG!
omg..imagine this,
i had two phone on my ears..
left and right..

So the Deejay,pick up..
then i put the phone that im
talkin with joan to a side,
then i talk with the deejay..

it was at 2.45am..
i said..
"hi,im sanwan,and im dedicating the next
song vertigo by u2 to my lucky charm
joan marie ann paul"

then i talk back with joan,
she was wondering whr i go sehh
then i was like,can't u hear that
i just dedicate a song for you..

then she said no..
then moments later..
we heard my voice on air!
aww.. am i sweet or what?

thanks joan for making me smile..
its like you know sehh whenever im not okay..
well, u said that you are my lucky charm right?
if its true, i would love to have you forever
so that i'll be lucky always..

and you said that u're fairy..
why dont you become my fairy in this
fairytale that im dreaming??

emo..

2009-04-29T19:37:00.007+08:00

I wish she would notice that I wanna go crazy but just for her
I wish I could love her right now and for her to fall in love with me..

Im slowly trying to let these feelings fade because lately
Ive been given no reason to keep holding onto them..

You are everything that i want but i guess i'm nothing that you need
some hearts get lucky sometimes. I guess mine just wasn't one of 'em.. :(

I promise baby I'll love you
with you forever I'll stay
I'll do anything and everything
To keep harm to you away

I promise baby I can give you hugs
That only I can give
I'll honor and protect you
As long as I shall live

I promise baby I'll give you kisses
So sweet forever you'll taste
I'll kiss you until tomorrows here
No kisses for you to waste

I promise baby I'll be here with you
Like I know you'll be there for me
I'll bring happiness to your eyes
Love deeper than the sea

I promise baby I'll never hurt you
forever have no fears
I'll give up everything
To see you cry no tears

I promise baby you can trust me
I'll give you the world and more
I'll be your fairytale suitor
You shall be my Cinderella girl

I promise baby I'll treat you
As every women shall be
My beautiful royal princess
Show you off for everyone to see

replacement

2009-04-28T00:09:00.003+08:00

Baby i'll give you a reason to believe
That my love for you will be real
Baby i'll give you a reason to believe
That having your heart is the real deal

I'll be the armor that will protect your severely wounded heart
I'll be the medicine that will cure your agonizingly sick dying heart
That was cracked and stomped on
That really needs its revival

Baby,
I'll be your lover,
I'll be your anger,
I'll be your fear,
I'll be your smile,
I'll be your laughter,
I'll be your tears,
I'll be your everything close and dear

I'll be that annoying voice that will always says
this and that is wrong
I'll be that pleasing voice
that will always sings
all the love songs that you adore

Done by: Sanwan Nor Bin Hamzah
p.s: your love is all i need, and i'll be that perfect replacement..

my thoughts...

2009-04-23T21:52:00.006+08:00

okay.. i dont know how to start .. ermm.
maybe i'll start by taking some part of
a blog post i've read..

"sanwan wrote a poem for joan. not that i'm jealous or like that. its just that, he used to write poems specially for me and now he writes it specially for her. sigh. ): its so sad. sometimes i feel like pushing the rewind button so that he will always be by myside and that, i could count on him, irritate him, annoyy him, make him smile and laugh.

but i'm still happy for him though. he found someone he really wanna be with. i really hope joan likes him back. so that he wont have to be all sad again. seeing him sad, breaks my heart. joan seems to be pretty special for him. i'll pray for the best okay?"

well,thanks nanad,im still here for you too, dont worry..dont say like that la..
u know i love you like my own sis! .. :) .. study hard for your exams tauu..

part 2..

well, theres this girl name syura,who mms wrongly..
well here's the pic..

well,thanks i appreciate it..

part 3..

well,recently there are alot of ppl asking how's joan and all..
so here,im gonna answer that...
she is recovering soon..
she is feeling much better..
her cast are off..
and her left hand is doin much2 better..
she is even tryin to type with two hands..
well, i hope u recovered well and before
ur birthday yea..god bless you..
and yea,for those who kept askin me
if i like her..
well, the answert is here..
i really do like her..
so u girls get it?

and joan, i love those midnite
webcam lor..
i especially love when u r crazy
singing and getting high!
especially that mad song! haha ..
and yea,goodluck for your
interview yea..
you can do it..

i adore you..

2009-04-20T23:53:00.003+08:00

if there is ever a women which possess a true pure heart,
which i cant bear to be apart,
who has effortless captured my soul,
an angel that has made me whole,

her beauty radiates brighter than the sun,
her dark mahogany brown hair shines under the silvery moon,
deep in my heart how i hope that she's the one,
never fail to make me sing to a joyful tune

ur smile and eyes,
cheers me,
warms me,
dazzles me,

ur angelic voice,
saves me,
motivates me,
melts me,

Never gone a day or night without you on my mind,
I've gotten to know you from the inside
You put a smile on my face
I adore you

I really do..

Done by: Sanwan
Dedicated to the one and only: Joan Marie Ann Paul

what i want from my bday..

2009-04-20T02:26:00.003+08:00

hmm.. i dont understand what is coming to me lately..
i dont even know how to start..
well,the gentarasa rehearsal was good..
but can be better..
shall work hard on that..
Well,now school is starting soon..
Guess will have new born stress..
But i hope i will survive thru it all..
Well,as my birthday is nearing,
my closest friend are thinkin of throwing me
a party ..
and also my farewell trip to LA,
for attachment..

been thinking lately what wud i want for my bday..
well,i guess theres not really much of a point thinking
and wasting my time on it..
cus its near impossible to have it..
maybe impossible..
cause even money cant buy it..
i hope for a true love..
a soulmate..
a girlfriend who i can confide and love me the way i am..
and accept all my imperfections and flaws..
cus i'll definately be as good as perfect
when i have those love..

but again..
why would i even bother wishing and hoping for this..
cus its never gonna be possible..

p.s i think i had fall for you,but i dont know if u ever realise it..

im done..

2009-04-16T23:23:00.003+08:00

I wasn't looking for this
What is this I don't know
You know i was doing just fine
By myself
On my own
Tell me how to stop this feeling

I don't want to fall in love
Just want to have a little fun
Then you came and swept me up
And now i'm done so done
Falling madly deeply
I Surprise myself enough to find that what's become this love
And now i'm done so done,
I'm done

I can't imagine right now
Standing here, without you
To think that i tried to ignore what i felt,
What i knew I could never, stop this feeling

emo

2009-04-15T19:46:00.004+08:00

I'm dying from trying,
trying to understand what i'm thinking,
thinking what my heart is feeling,
feeling so hard to hear what my heart is saying,

I still couldnt make up,
if its telling me something,shouting or crying,
my heart's wounded and was left to die,
but should i still continue this lie?
saying i'm fine and put up a fake smile?

maybe i should just walk away..
away far .. faraway..

Done by: Sanwan 14/04/09

what a nite!

2009-04-14T00:15:00.005+08:00

It was around 10am on saturday morning,
when my bestfren farhan sms me asking
if i am free that day.At first i wasnt free that
day as i was supposed to have rehearsal
for gentarasa from 3pm to 10pm,
But then at 11 plus an sms came, saying the rehearsal
is moved on a later date,so yea..
i can go out n have fun! whee..cus his friend devan,rent
a car.. And we want to really spend a great nite!
So i went to Causeway point at 3pm to
meet farhan.Then we coincidencely met rudieman,
so yea,we smoke n chat for awhile.
Then we went to LJS to eat as farhan was so hungry.
So next we wait for devan to come.
But then he said it will take sometime
as he is waiting for the rain to stop. like wtf cann?
have car sehh,wann wait for the rain to stop for wat sehh..
haha..stupid arse!! lol..
So thru out the time,me n farhan walk at CWP
n then decided to slack at Civic Mcd..
we talk n talk,then at about 8 plus,
we go buy half dozen of donut empire.
cus he never eat before..then when he tried,
he say so damn nicee..y never tell him before..
how to sehh?u were at camp! bodoh!! lol..
so shortly after,his myanmar fren prom came..
then devan arrive with a honda fit sporty car!
we got into the car n we scream!! FUN siols!! haha..
so we decide to went to bugis,arab street,
we chill and watch soccer there..lucky Man utd win sia..
cus we said, if man utd lose,we no mood to go geylang,if win then we go!!! haha..
Me and farhan never go geylang the lorong before,so yea..
we realli wanna check out..
upclose n real!haha..so yea..
we drove in n out of the lorong la..then farhan wants more..
so we park in one of the lorong n explore slowly,alot of prostitude sehh,
indian la,thailand la,china la,indonesian la..waa..
i was so scare to walk near them sehh.. some even call us,
hey handsome! hey melayu.. you,come here..wit the finger pointin,
n some call sayang sayang and also baby..hahah..
And we didnt noe tat there r so many private rooms.
So prom said,u all can go
in n see see la.. we all say,u go in then we go in la..
then he realli go in sehh..then we follow la.
wa..omg! the girls in there are all half naked..
we see them thru glass,like fishtank sehh like tat..
some of them are damn hot! really temptin sehh..
but yea, i feel sad for them to do this kind of
job..so after goin in the few houses,its already close to 3am,
so yea,we then decided to go to
lim chu kang the cemetry,we did go n go to the malay cemetry
was more fun then scary..
must tell u that the place is so peaceful,
then after the cemetry we did go to ECP cus
we want to drink hot tea,but the coffee shop has alredi close,
so we did go to simpang bedok..waa!
the prata was fuckin nice sia!! so we drink n talk2..
then about 6ami reach home,devan sent us..
thanks guys for the awesome n one of the best nite..
and yea, i cant slp yet cus i had soccer at 9,
so yea,bath n try to stay awake..
meet dayat at 815am at wdlands,
then go play soccer..After soccer go to rudieman place..
and chill like normal..play pool wit uncle..lost 5-2,
better than the last time,haha..
yea..so finally reach home at 12 plus,then slp..
the next day wake up,at 5 plus..haha..
so went to the first gentarasa script reading..
we all know the story and our role..
it was fun! :D..

pics..

2009-04-08T19:35:00.005+08:00

Well, these are some pics of joan injured wrist.. :( ..

And here are some pics that i took during our webcam!!
She was being bullied by her niece..haha..
Aunt joan kena bullied! i loike...!

yadaayadaa

2009-04-07T20:52:00.009+08:00

I guess it has been a few days since i last update.
Well i updating guys! Whee..
Actually,i dont know what to talk luhh.. -____-"
Well, my prayers are still with you joan,
recover fast and get well soon..
be strong dearr..
u r a strong girl..
and trust me you'll recover soon before you knew..

And dearr joan..
Well, for the past midnights that we had talk
on the phone,i really enjoy it.
You are funny,cute and somewhat clumsy though you
are still in great pain.
And everytime,i hear u groan or shout when ur wrist is
hurting,i feel so helpless and useless..
How i wish i could kiss the pain away girl..
so you will be pain free..
If only i could, then i would..
Im sure this is a test for you from god,
and i believe you will overcome this test..
have a lil faith..
and you know i'll always wanna be
there for you..

so this is for you..

I’m writing this to let you know,
That I think of you each day,
And pray for your recovery,
Hoping soon you’ll be okay.

You’re going through a lot pain right now,
How I wish I had a magic wand,
I'd cast a healing spell on you,
To make it go away,
Until you were okay.

Hold on to your positive attitude,
And when things get hard to bear,
Know that I am here for you,
Remember that I care.

And when you’re well and flourishing,
Look back and realize,
You learned what you were made of,
That’s a reward that satisfies!

I believe in you; You can do it!

Moving onn..
Im so shocked to learn that dewi the super miss duper poker is going
to take bike licence! Oh god!! I know that you want it since you
were a kid.. but its dangerous! I think i'm more terrified cann?
I really hope that you can still be talk out of it..
puhleaseeeeeeeeee dewiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ....
Well,hope we can meet soon to hang out
before school reopen..
And i'm so gonna nag n talk you out
from taking the bike license..
hmmph! :P

Okay now about my weekends..
Well,did go to rudieman's place on saturday..
sleep over as we have soccer at 9am at
woodgrove sec..
but i didnt get to sleep la..
maybe was worried about
certain stuff or sumtink..
And yea,i did lose my title
as the pool champion to my pool trainer
which is rudieman's father..
cus the last time i did go to his place..
i did win him and he gave me the
title..and i think he is out to revenge..
and he did! and omg! i cant believe la..
cus i did play like a beginner like i neva
play pool before..and that day was
my biggest lose ever..we play 5 game..
and guess whats the score?
uncle 5 - 0 sanwan...
BOOHOOOOO!
so i ask him to play 9 ball instead..
surprisingly i did okay,
was leading 4-2..
but then finally i lost
5-4..
i swear i never lost like that before..
its either uncle was so good tat day
or i just dont have form.. :( ..

On sunday, i did start the match..
i got 3 good chance to score..
but i didnt..the first one was
near the post where i was confused..
whether i wann to curl the ball
or to lob or to hit the ball near the keeper
post,so i just did hit the ball,but the keeper
did pull a great save..
well,the second attempt was just above the bar,
i was in the box where i turn n switch the ball from
my left to right then make the ball in the air
then half volley it..it was close..
the third attemp was i was being tackle in the
penalty box,the player get my leg then the ball..
then i was injured,so i did go off.

oh yea..wanna share sumtink,which i found
at dewi blog..

"I believe the most difficult situation you can ever be faced with is deciding whether you should just move on or hold on a little tighter. Move on, and maybe you’ll lose a chance at the best thing that could have ever happened, or hold on, and have the possibility of one day being the biggest disaster ever created."

well that's all folks..

black persian kitten for sale!

2009-04-02T19:11:00.004+08:00

Anyone loves kitten?
Its a black 6 -year old-months kitten.
Was born on 3rd August.
Is selling at $280.
Well,its not mine!
You know that im afraid of cats don't you.
Im just doin a favour for my new gentarasa friend
named Ize.
If interested,pm or msg me..thanks..

well here's are some of the pics..

my story.. hehs

2009-04-01T00:00:00.008+08:00

Recently life has been so colourful for me.
I am so blessful with the good things happening around me.
Therefore,i guess i would love to share.
Good things must share right? Then i will.
Okay,but first,warning! " The post that you are about
to read might be long and shocking! " .
Ready??
1....
2......
3.........

I'm in LOVE!!!
Maybe its not shocking though.
Well,the things that i'm gonna share is.

Well,recently i'm dating with this sweet adorable one
of a kind girl.She never fail to make me smile.
Simply said,she is the queen of my heart.
The smile on her face is just like the morning sunrise
that light up this dark life of mine.
But its funny how things went.
She didnt have a good past.What i mean with that is that
She is a divorcee,with one 8-month old child.
I guess it is not fair to judge a person based on the past
right?
Because i believe we are only humans and we are prone to
error and make mistakes,
But what make she special is that,she is very strong
and positive about moving on.
I'm in loved with a divorcee with a cute 8-month child.
Another shocking thing is that,we are already planning to
get engaged.
most likely when i'm back from LA on november.
We are still deciding whether to make it big or not.
I really wanna take good care of her.
Mainly because,her ex husband is woman hitter.
Such a coward!. Show up yourself to me,
and you'll know what happens.I'll make you eat
your balls.I swear i'll do.
Well,no point talking about this prick here.
She deserved better.
Well on top of that,her family is also in a mess.
Her father is a drinker, her mother still goes to clubbing.
And her younger sister weird. Why weird?
Well,here is the thing.I'll tell you and you'll decide.
She did let her boyfriend had sex with another girl.
But the boyfriend has to ask her permission first.
What is she thinking?And worst.
When her boyfriend is having sex,she did wait for him
under the block.OMG!Weird? I call it crazy!
And the reason is that, she didnt do that kind of sinful act.
But hey,do the guy deserved her? I doubt so.
What a crazy family.

Anw,i forgot to mention something.
The name of my lovely princess is
Qashriena..
Her beautiful name do justice on her
ever gorgeous face n personality.
Her good-looking 8-month son named is
Rian Ariel..
So effing cute.
If everything is going to plan.
Im gonna be an instant dad!
Cool or what!

If i were to talk about her,
it will be non-stop.
There's only so much great things
about her.
Im so lucky to have met her,known her.
You're the best gift that i possibly cudnt have.

And one final thing..
This might be disturbing but yea.
i have to say this..
I so want the world to know this too.

You guys are punked!
APRIL FOOLS!!
The story that you have just read
is not true at all.
I just made it up!

See!! i got you!
Wahahah!
*blearghh* ..

*SANWAN 1 - 0 Whoever read this post!*

And not forgetting.
Recover soon Joan,was shocked when i get
ur text msg that u are are admitted in
CGH .. I hope the wrist that broke
will heal soon and fast aye.I wanna visit
you and stuff but im on a tight schedule.
Im sorry but my prayers are with you dearr.
Recover soon and so we can go out together ya.

are you the one

2009-03-30T01:33:00.002+08:00

Are you the one?
The traveller in time who has come
To heal my wounds to lead me to the sun
To walk this path with me until the end of time

Are you the one?
Who sparkles in the night like fireflies
Eternity of evening sky
Facing the morning eye to eye

Are you the one?
Who'd share this life with me
Who'd dive into the sea with me
Are you the one?
Who's had enough of pain
And doesn't wish to feel the shame, anymore
Are you the one?

Are you the one?
Whose love is like a flower that needs rain
To wash away the feeling of pain
Which sometimes can lead to the chain of fear

Are you the one?
To walk with me in a garden of a stars
The universe, the galaxies and Mars
The supernova of our love is true

just die hair..

2009-03-28T00:06:00.003+08:00

well this post wont be long..
just wanna upload my new look hair..
i think this time looks ugly..pfft!

bla bla bla

2009-03-26T02:24:00.009+08:00

its almost 230am .. and i couldnt sleep yet. so yea,kinda decided to blog..thats is why i wanna start to blog again .. haha..before i begin to blog, sorry for the english that i mite be using, basically just plain lazy to make it nice..but wateva,we singaporeans so yea wateva..singlish people..haha..well,i do sleep like a pig this few days..grrr..wake up around 2 or 3..n today werst! 430pm..omg.. i reali need to do something abt it man!maybe because,i've been stayin up late watchin movies..well,like now,i just finished watching 'YES MAN', the other nite was 'VALKRIE' .. everynite i wud watched atleast 1 or 2 movies.. haha..i still have about 10 more movies in my hardisk i havent watched n yea still a few more freshly just downloaded.haha..okay..Stop blabbering about movies sanwan.Okay,shall stop.haha..well moving on..i reali love to read ppl blog but sometimes envy them cause they got alot of things to talk..n their entries are so long and with pictures..am i such a boring person??am i a errrrr no life person.. omg! NO way! so this explains this long shit tat im gonna blog..who says i cant crap like u bloggers do?hahah*evil laugh* .. i think im goin crazy..somebody call a doctor!! oh wait! maybe doctor cant even help! i f**ckinly need a PSYCHIATRIST.. okay okay..real talk now.. later i have car practice at 7pm,well the last session was fun though..reversing..kinda cool with that..my second bro will not be coming home for 3 days cause of a chalet,his chalet is just next to OCH! omg!cool or what! i would have love to sleep there instead!! whee.. lately,have been thinkin of piercing my toungue again,maybe with two new piercing at lips and eyebrow..n now the suckiest thing is that,everyone i noe is f**ckinly attached! omg! this is so crappy!! n they are all so happily in it! and oh god why oh why that im still single! haha.. mayb i knew the answer..i MUST stop being so choosy!must accept n willing to open my heart again..must not be afraid of being hurt or hurt cus that is part and parcel of life..give chances..and be happy.. saying is easy though... but u noe,im just afraid that what if im not content with the person i chose to be with but only realised it when we r together for a long time..u see n get what i mean?i wann be with someone whom im happily content with,n yea n be ready n think" hey,she is the one ,i wanna spent my life with" .. but yea..its hard..RAWR!!!.. but soon,i guess i'll have it my way.. patience is a virtue.. and if its true, i hope god is keeping and reserving me an angel whom HE has yet want to present me a gift..for that i shall believe and put a lil bit of faith and wait for it to come.. :D.. and yea,not forgeting,im reali lookin forward for the crash acting course this sat and sun!and one more,its been like 3 days i've heard from u joan,hope u doin good yea.. god bless you..and to my bro,bungkos and fir,"bile mauu lepak bro?starbuck or teh tarik?? haha.. got alot to share and talk about."

Gentarasa 2009 results of the audition.

2009-03-23T16:13:00.001+08:00

Results for the Audition...

JENG JENG JENG!!!!

hold ur breathe...

i was sleepin when the msg came...

"Congrats,you have been selected for the main cast. You are required to come down to
cairnhill cc @ 2-7pm on 28/29 march for crash acting course. Your trainers will be
Mastura Ahmad, Sani Hussein, Suhaimi Yussof & Zaharian Osman. See ya. "

wa...i tot i was dreamin seh...
well..thx for the support my frens..

And yea, i hope everything is goin fine for u joan..
im so worried now for you..
hope to hear from u soon..
tell me everything is fine..
and ur okay..
i hope..

results

2009-03-17T12:05:00.001+08:00

School results is out.
Am dissapoint with the results.
What i aim i didnt achieve which is to hit the 3 point barrier that i have set before going into the semester.
But i did improve abit. Sem 1, 2.75 .. Sem 2, 2.809 .. Sem 3, 2.919 and now 2.959 ..
I will try and continue to work hard. :(

Gentarasa 2009

2009-03-15T22:29:00.001+08:00

Sunday march 15..
I went to Gentarasa audition for Q and Que production.
Reached there about 210pm.I was alone,no one accompany me.
But it didnt stop me from going. :) .. We'll i my number was 7.
I make a new friend there,Faiz, he is a dancer n he is nice.
All the best bro.
So went into the audition and bla bla bla..Suhaimi Yusoff and some
producers and also some actor,i did act with one of the actor but i cant
remember the name,EL-Faezah Ulhaq was there too.
Well,one of the judges said that they are keen to cast me and then ask about my
commitment.Well,still finger cross.

And now i wanna mentioned some people.

Joan Marie Ann Paul
I miss hearing your voice.You still have yet to sing for me dearr. :p
And yea,i know its not easy to forget the past and move on.
But believe me,I'd do anything just to help and make it better for you.

Dewi Jelina Ayu
Well,miss superduperpoker!!! I know that situation for you is tough
and hard on you. Well, be strong aite miss dewi!! jia you girl..
I wanna be there for you my dearest friend.

Nanad
You've have been great all this while,Im so happy for you that
you are attached and i hope all the best for you aite. :)
I'm sorry if i havent been treating you nice or so cold towards

you like before.Well,the reason is that,i dont wanna hurt you.
I treat you like my own sis,u r such a nice gerl.Well,miss those
times we talk on the phone and stuff.And ya Nanad!,do study hard
tauu and i pray for you to have good results.Insyaallah. :)

Boo Jian Shen
Hey,bro , cheer up aite. As much as i wanna help you but
i really am at lost of word to advise you. Please.. I want you to
be happy and be like what you are normally.Dont think so much.
And yea,dont drink so much yea bro. Cheer up..

Im Back!

2009-03-13T17:38:00.000+08:00

Hello guys.. this is the first officially post on my new blog!!! haha..
Okay.. ermm..what am i suppose to talk about ehs?
Okay, firstly, hope you guys enjoy the song on my playlist,i will update soon for better songs..
Secondly,the trip to LA,Santa Monica for my Industrial Attachment with Side Effects has changed.
My path is being changed so therefore im goin on August to November.
Good news is that i can still chiong my car TP test as i did postponed because of busy schedule.
I hope i can pass the TP test with one try.Pray for me aite guys. :P ..
And yea,with the changed of path, it means that now im having holidays,then the IAP then FYP.
Which also means that i'm gonna celebrate my 21st birthday here on the month of JUNE..
So yea,i hope i will spend this holiday wisely and also have sufficient rest.
And yea again,i'm going for an audition for Q and Que production for a comedy theatre.Hopefully i'm selected. *finger cross*

p.s : who wants to accompany me on sunday for the audition? *winks*